It has come to my attention that feelings of anxiety and insanity are washing over me. This past month, it’s felt like every trauma that I hold has come back, triggered and aggravated, making me feel utterly desperate for a breath of air and peace of mind. Not to be found while I sit and wallow in the hole I dug for myself, rather than working through and processing this pain.
I’ve talked to some friends recently, who also have been feeling simply bad, triggered, and unstable, just like me, and you may be feeling nuts in your brain too!
Simply put, this is a time of deep transition and change. For everyone, it will be different circumstances and events that bring this on, but the feelings are universal. It feels like I’m at a loss. It feels like I’m out of control and grasping on for dear life to not float off into the nothingness of the universe. It feels like I will be forced to suffer and it feels like there is no hope and we are just living off of the residual energy of whatever the last good thing that happened was. It feels like fear and anxiety and loss of faith and an unwillingness to trust.
If you feel this way, and you don’t process it, you’ve doomed yourself to suffer eternal. Not to be harsh or anything, but if you chose to wallow rather than walk through that internal suffering, it will always be there. If you repress these feelings of confusion and fear, they will only come up later, worse and worse as you keep refusing recovery.
By no means is this process easy. It doesn’t have to be hard, but it is intensity. It is a bomb living in your stomach that is begging to go off, but you keep cutting the cord, delaying the bang. The bomb needs to explode and you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings.
If you’re feeling anxious, ask yourself what am I anxious about?
If you’re feeling afraid, ask yourself what am I afraid of?
If you feel out of control, ask yourself why do I need to be in control?
Ask yourself the questions you’ve been begging to hear. Hear the answers from deep within yourself and feel the truth of what the answers have to offer you.
There are many facets to your experience. There is positive expression, there is negative expression, and there is you. For many of us, we allow the force of negative expression to take charge. Forcing the positive aspects to a mere whisper which we simply chose to ignore, because focusing on negativity is the easiest thing you can do. If you’ve already set your sights on the bottom, you’ll never be hurt, right? Well, you’ll never feel the joy or happiness or love of contentedness either.
There is give and take to this whole emotional experience and you have to feel your feelings.
I had found myself feeling entirely out of control, focusing on how afraid I was of how the future will end up that I drove myself into an anxiety and stress-induced horror show of an emotional outlook. Situations and people kept coming into my life to trigger all of my individual childhood traumas and force those experiences into the forefront of my life. I decided that I couldn’t take this laying down. I’ve been down this road before. I have made the choice of repression and I have made the choice of expression, and simply from personal experience, I knew which road I wanted to take this time around. For me, the road of repression led me down into a hole of self-loathing hatred and fear, and aggression at myself and my life. The road of expression led me out of that hole and into a process of healing. Sometimes the world has to come crashing down for it to be rebuilt again.
This time, I put an intense amount of focus into really feeling my experience. Asking myself those questions and digging deep into the real reasons for my fear. My fears were coming from a lack of control and a fear of the future and a fear of vulnerability and a method of madness working out of deficiency because I felt like I was never doing enough.
And I cried and I cried and I sobbed it all out and listened to the guidance I pulled from my oracle and tarot cards and I wrote the honestly about how I was feeling and I simply let it out!
This was a three-step process:
- Ask yourself why you are feeling this way
- Process those feelings through art or writing and allow yourself to feel those feelings. Let yourself cry and sob and release those pent-up emotions.
- Meditate on positivity while allowing that negativity to come through. Acknowledge the negativity and balance it with positive truth. For me, I felt waves of energy come through me when I was doing this and if you do, it is imperative to ground that energy into the earth. See it flowing from your headspace down through your feet into the earth, wrapping around the center of the earth, and coming back up through your Self out into the 8th chakra space of the Higher Self.
I am feeling better now, but this is not an immediate fix. I went through this process of emotional purging three times in one week. Allow yourself to rest and recover after this intense processing.
What came to me this last time I went through that deep meditative process is what I will leave you with: something bad could happen, but it won’t.